The Best Parents Fail
As parents, it’s natural to want to protect our kids from failure, hoping they’ll experience only success and happiness. However, that's just not how life works.
Failure is not only inevitable; it’s essential.
Allowing our children to experience small setbacks and see us navigate our own mistakes helps them build resilience and learn that failure isn’t something to fear—it’s an opportunity to grow.
When we fail in front of our children and handle it with grace (or as much as we can), we’re teaching them that no one is perfect and that growth comes from facing life’s challenges with determination. It can be a powerful lesson to show that it’s not about always getting things right; it’s about what we learn when things go wrong. Kids need to see us stumble and recover so they learn that failure is not an end, but rather a part of learning.
One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is a “soft pillow” to land on when they experience failure. When they make mistakes under our guidance, they have a safe place to process what happened, understand it, and try again. Instead of facing a harsh world unprepared when they launch, they can develop the problem-solving tools and confidence they’ll need for bigger challenges down the road. By letting them experience manageable setbacks now, we’re equipping them with the resilience and grit that will support them through life’s bigger tests later on.
Allowing children to fail helps them build their own “toolbox” for handling life’s ups and downs. Skills like patience, self-reflection, and problem-solving don’t come solely from success; they’re forged through perseverance. When we step back and give them space to try, fail, and try again, they learn to adjust their approach, find solutions, and ultimately gain confidence in their own abilities. This is where resilience is built.
While it can feel uncomfortable at first, embracing failure as a family can redefine how we all look at setbacks. By treating failure as a stepping stone, we help them see it as a positive, even necessary, part of growth. Together, we can teach our kids that failing isn’t something to be ashamed of—it’s simply part of building a creative and successful life.
Allowing for mistakes and showing how we recover is one of the greatest gifts we can offer our children. Let’s embrace our stumbles and celebrate the times we get back up, knowing that resilient parenting isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress.
Breaking Free from Parenting Shame
Parenting is one of the most rewarding but challenging roles anyone can take on. Yet, with all the love and effort we pour into raising our kids, shame and guilt can sneak in, making even small parenting decisions feel like judgmental hurdles. The truth is, parenting isn’t about achieving perfection—it’s about embracing growth, learning, and connection.
Let’s explore how you can take the shame out of parenting and replace it with confidence and compassion.
Embrace Your Unique Parenting Path
Each parent’s journey is different, and comparing yourself to others only feeds into the shame cycle. Social media, parenting forums, and even well-meaning family members can amplify a sense of “not doing enough.” Remember, your family’s needs and values are unique. Embracing your own parenting style, one that works for your child and household, will reduce guilt and foster genuine connection.
Focus on Progress, Not Perfection
Parenting is a long-term journey, and there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. Mistakes are part of that journey and can actually lead to important growth for both parents and children. Shift the focus from trying to be a “perfect” parent to becoming a more present, aware, and responsive one. By celebrating progress and small wins, you can replace shame with pride in your efforts. And as a reminder, at the end of the day, your kids don't want a perfect parent... they just want you.
Reframe Shame as an Opportunity
Feelings of shame often stem from deeply rooted beliefs about how we “should” parent. We must stop "shoulding" on ourselves! Instead of letting those beliefs limit you, reframe them as a chance to grow. Ask yourself why a particular moment triggered feelings of guilt, and see if there’s a constructive change you can make. This approach allows you to learn from experiences rather than feeling stuck in self-blame.
Seek Support Without Judgment
There is no shame in reaching out for support as a parent. Whether it’s joining a parenting group, chatting with friends, or talking with a parent coach, seeking guidance doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re proactive in your growth. Surrounding yourself with supportive, nonjudgmental people helps reinforce that parenting challenges are normal and nothing to be ashamed of.
By focusing on compassion over criticism, you can take the shame out of parenting and build a more confident, connected relationship with your children. Remember, every step you take to better yourself as a parent contributes to a positive, supportive environment for your kids. Take pride in your journey, because every effort is a step toward growth.
Embrace your path, and let go of the shame—your parenting journey is yours to shape.
'Tis the Season to Say No
The holidays are a magical time, but for many parents, they can also be a season of stress, endless events, and pressure to make everything perfect. Between school plays, gift-giving, family gatherings, and managing expectations, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. That’s why this year, let’s shift the focus to finding harmony, saying no when needed, and creating space for what truly matters. Here are a few tips to help you enjoy the holiday season rather than survive it:
Choose Quality Over Quantity
Holiday calendars fill up fast with parties, family get-togethers, and community events. Instead of trying to attend everything, prioritize the activities that bring the most joy and connection. Discuss with your family which events are meaningful and respectfully decline the rest. Setting these boundaries early helps everyone stay focused on enjoying the season rather than feeling stretched too thin.
Rethink Gift-Giving
The pressure to find the perfect gift can turn a joyful act into a stressful one. If gift-giving is causing more anxiety than enjoyment, try adopting a simple approach. Consider gifts that focus on experiences or that create memories, like a day out together or a fun family activity. Remember, kids often cherish the moments spent with you more than the items themselves.
Emphasize the Meaning of the Holidays
Holidays are a wonderful opportunity to teach kids about generosity, gratitude, and family traditions. Instead of letting consumerism take center stage, discuss with your children the values that are important to your family during this time. Whether it’s kindness, helping others, or simply spending time together, these values can help shape a season that’s truly fulfilling.
Hold Boundaries with Family
Extended family gatherings can be a beautiful part of the holidays, but they can also be a source of stress when expectations clash. It’s okay to say no to certain commitments or to set boundaries around your family’s needs. Whether it’s the amount of time you spend at events or the way certain traditions are handled, open communication can help everyone enjoy the holidays with mutual respect.
This season, focus on creating a holiday experience that leaves you feeling joyful, not drained. By choosing what’s meaningful, setting limits, and prioritizing time with loved ones, you’ll find more peace, connection, and joy—and give your family the gift of a holiday to truly remember.
Add More C.A.L.M. To Your Parenting
Parenting can sometimes feel like a whirlwind of emotions—frustration, guilt, and the feeling that you’re just not getting it right. Many parents end their day wondering if they could’ve handled things differently. If you’re ready to replace those tough feelings with a sense of calm and connection, then the C.A.L.M. Approach to Confident Parenting may be exactly what you need.
At The Parent Toolbox, we know that parenting today requires more than just discipline and rules. The C.A.L.M. Approach is not just another parenting "style", it focuses on four foundational pillars that help you foster a supportive, nonjudgmental environment at home. It’s not about perfection—it’s about building confidence and finding a new way to connect with your children.
Compassionate Communication: This first step focuses on creating a space where children feel heard and understood. It’s about moving away from reactive responses and opening a door to empathy and open dialogue. Compassionate Communication helps your kids know they’re valued and that you’re there to support them.
Awareness and Accountability: Parenting is a journey of self-reflection. Awareness helps you tune into your child’s needs, behaviors, and underlying emotions, while accountability reminds you that it’s okay to set healthy boundaries and expectations. This balance between curiosity and clarity helps reduce power struggles and fosters mutual respect.
Learning Emotional Regulation: Emotions are part of the human experience, and learning how to navigate them is key. This pillar of C.A.L.M. focuses on teaching both parents and children how to recognize, express, and manage their emotions effectively. When you model emotional regulation, your child learns these critical life skills too.
Mindful Modeling: Children learn by example, and mindful modeling emphasizes the power of “do as I do.” By practicing self-care, patience, and intentionality, you become the role model you want your child to look up to. It’s about showing them how to handle life’s ups and downs with resilience and grace.
With the C.A.L.M. Approach, parenting becomes less about control and more about collaboration. When you add C.A.L.M. to your parenting, you’re building a foundation of trust, communication, and respect that strengthens your family bonds and empowers your children to thrive throughout the many stages of their lives.
So, why not take a step toward a calmer, more confident parenting journey today?
I’m ready to take a step towards C.A.L.M. parenting!
5 Myths About Using A Parent Coach
Ah, parenting! That magical journey where everything always goes according to plan, and no one ever needs help, right? Wrong.
Thankfully, there are many parent coaches out there, like me, who want to be with you through the journey. However, parent coaching can be accompanied by a lot of myths and misconceptions.
Let's debunk a few, shall we?
"Parent Coaches Are Just for 'Bad' Parents"
Ah yes, because only "bad" parents need guidance. Good parents, of course, are born with an innate sense of how to handle every possible parenting situation. Just kidding! Parent coaches aren't the parenting police, judging your every move. They're your allies offering support and strategies to make this whole parenting gig a bit smoother because, we all know, there is no perfect parent.
"I Don't Need a Parent Coach; I Have Google"
We all know how this goes; you ask Google one question, 5 hours later, all you've found are thousands of conflicting answers. While the internet offers a vast sea of information, a parent coach provides personalized, tailored advice that's hard to find in the depths of a search engine. It's about quality, not quantity, when it comes to parenting support.
"Parent Coaches Will Judge My Every Move"
Contrary to popular belief, parent coaches are not there to scrutinize your meal choices. Their role is to create a supportive, judgment-free space where you can explore parenting challenges and find effective solutions. They are like your personal cheerleader... just minus the pom-poms.
"Using a Parent Coach Means I'm Failing"
Seeking guidance isn't a sign of failure; it's a sign of being proactive and dedicated to your role as a parent. You should feel empowered in this choice! Everyone needs a bit of direction now and then, and there's no shame in wanting to improve your parenting skills.
"All Parent Coaches Are the Same"
Sure, and all doctors, teachers, and baristas are the same, too. Parent coaches come with different styles, approaches, and areas of expertise. Some might be whisperers of toddler tantrums, while others are navigators of teen angst. It's about finding the right fit for your unique family dynamic and goals.
So, there you have it: a more realistic look at parent coaching. Remember, parenting is a journey with its fair share of twists and turns, and it's perfectly okay to ask for directions along the way. After all, a little guidance can make all the difference in the world of parenting.
Not ready to jump in fully to getting a parent coach, but you'd be okay with dipping in your toe to see how someone like me can help? Schedule a free 30-minute Parent Discover Call where we can dive into your biggest parenting struggle and I can equip you with up to 3 strategies to implement right away.
Anger: Embracing and Managing a Misunderstood Emotion
Anger is one of my favorite topics to explore with parents!
Often, we tell our kids not to be angry, viewing it as a negative. However, no emotions are bad, including anger. It’s a natural feeling that we all experience from time to time.
Rather than shaming kids when they feel angry, let's focus on fostering a healthier relationship with this emotion. Regardless of your parenting style, you can still maintain boundaries and expectations with your children, and this holds true for anger as well.
Here are three rules to establish around anger:
1. You are not allowed to hurt yourself.
2. You are not allowed to hurt others around you.
3. You are not allowed to damage property that’s not meant to be damaged.
Our goal isn’t to prevent our kids from ever feeling angry, as that's unrealistic. Instead, we should aim to help them safely navigate and express this emotion. Building a toolbox of coping strategies is essential.
Here are some examples of skills we can teach our kids to help them release and express anger in a safe manner:
Screaming into a pillow.
Doing jumping jacks.
Tearing up a piece of blank paper.
Using a couch cushion as a drum.
Squeezing a stress ball.
Running in place.
Practicing breathing exercises.
Additionally, it's important to encourage open communication about anger. Teach children to recognize and verbalize their feelings, explaining why they're angry in a calm and respectful way. This helps them understand their emotions better and fosters emotional intelligence.
We can apply this same kind of learning to ourselves, parents. Modeling appropriate ways to handle anger is crucial. Children often learn by watching us, so it is important for you to demonstrate healthy ways to manage your own anger. Show them that it's okay to take a timeout, talk about your feelings, or engage in a relaxing activity when you're upset.
Finally, patience and consistency are key. It takes time for children to learn and practice these skills. Offer encouragement and support as they work through their emotions, and celebrate their progress in managing anger in safe ways.
The beauty of reframing our approach to anger and equipping our children with the right tools, we can help them develop into emotionally intelligent individuals who can handle life's challenges in a constructive and healthy manner.
If you want to explore more ways to express emotions in safe ways, download my 3 Steps to Calm the Emotional Chaos in Your Home.